Our Thoughts

Ah!!!! That daughter of mine......she is the deepest thinker. She does come from a long line of mind provoking women. Though, the book Oprah is promoting right now is an eye opener to a lot of people, I can't say....OH MY GOSH!!! My life's been changed. All the things it says somewhere in my soul, I have already felt and believed. I'm not saying I am more enlightened than other people, but I have taken each experience of this life and embraced it. I have always tried to find the lesson to learn from each one. Some are harder to find than others. If we all put more thought into our actions, just think of all the negativity that would end. In really thinking about what we say and do and how it is going to affect someone else we could eliminate a lot of conflicts. It is our thoughts that can bring about our true selves and help us live the kind of lives we really want. We hide behind masks, always afraid to be our true selves. My first thought comes to what Traci and I talked about yesterday, how we are all so ate up with what everyone else thinks of us....what we say, wear, drive, where we live.....who are we trying to impress? Why do we spend our lives comparing ourselves to each other....always trying to look better, have more....I just don't get it!!! I just want to live, get joy from each God given day. So much emphasis is put on money and the THINGS it can buy us. Sometimes, I feel like, I would like to shed myself of all my worldly possessions, just go back to being totally free or least as free as you can be in this adult life. I know, it is not possessions that make me happy. I have serenity and joy from each sunrise and sunset..... the breath of life breathed through all the hours in between and living in the moment. That's my thought for the day......Live in the moment, each one is a precious part of our lives. Till next time.

It Could Be Coming In The Wind

I am here....just absorbed into my everyday life. My blog site has made me upset and I am kinda rebelling against it....it won't do the way I want it to. I had patients in the beginning, but it has been months now and I am still having issues with it. Anyway, I think I am having a dry spell and can't or don't want to pick my brain with new or funny goings on in my life right now. I am feeling really well, but still have a swimmy head at times. I am eating healthy and Trace and I walk almost everyday......that always makes me feel better. My mind is filled with all the foreclosures going on.....I just keep thinking....there's got to be some big bucks in it for me and Wayne, somewhere. This just might be our payoff for establishing and keeping good credit all these years. I hate to be the vulture circling the dead and dieing, but someone is going to profit off the misfortunes of these ill advised mortgages. I feel it might as well be us. We are long overdue. I am keeping an open mind and my thoughts are optimistic......I see good things on the horizon for Wayne and I.....I just don't know the packaging it is arriving in. I am staying open to all avenues. It could come with the next blowing of the wind........so subtly, I will have to be very vigilant, eyes and ears open..... I wait in anticipation. Till next time

My Life

To describe my life,
with just one word;



Would be impossible,
would be absurd;

So many joys,
I've had to date;

So very much more,
to contemplate;

There's been sorrows,
filled with pain;

Growth and
lessons,
there to gain;

With each day,
I am in awe;

Through these eyes,
the beauty, saw;

When looking
back,
on childhood days;

My journey, just starting,
my path,
a maze;

To know the right turns,
the forks, to take;


Were my decisions,
my choice to make;


My travels
through,
this life of mine;


I feel have been,
a test in
time;



Don't know the answers,
but, true to heart;


I will always stay,
till I depart.

Taboo Talk

I awoke this morning feeling pretty refreshed. I took a Benedrel and an Advil just before going to sleep last night. My head seems to be getting better. I still have a light headed feeling, but no vertigo. Trace and I went on a walk yesterday morning. I think getting out and about helped me a lot. We did some other running around after that, making a quick run to Sprout's. Wayne and I are both trying to shed some pounds, so I am fixing really healthy meals and cutting our portions. Wayne told me a story last night about a delivery guy that he sees at work. The guy is a little shorter than Wayne, but much bigger around. They were comparing their weight and Wayne was astonished to hear that he weighs more than this guy. That was a no brainer to me......I told him......it's because muscle weighs more than fat. Luckily Wayne is still pretty active at work and gets in some physical activity there, cause he just won't do anything with me at home.....remember our walks, they didn't last but a few weeks and he was done with them. I get so irritated that with just a little effort he could shed those unwanted pounds, where as with me, I diet and exercise and .......NOTHING, ZIP, NADA, not one pound lost. I can't diet like I did when I was young. I feel my old body needs the nutrition and if I did go on a fast all it would do is make me lose what muscle tone I have.....see, it's danged if you do and danged if you don't. I do notice than when I cut the fat intake of my foods I have fewer hot flashes and they are less intense. I had one hot flash during last nights sleep and it wasn't until early this morning. I didn't get nearly as hot and it only lasted a few seconds. I like that. I often wonder about those hot flashes......do THEY burn calories??? Your body is working...steaming up like that, surely they burn calories.....not that I want to have enough hot flashes to lose the weight I need to..... heck, I'd rather be a little over weight than suffer through those dang things. Anyway, I am trying real hard to think up good tasting, nutritional things for us to eat. I could totally go on a Lean Cuisine diet. I like most of them and my portion is already figured for me. I can know exactly how much fat and calories I am taking in with each meal. It's just like the Jenny Craig or the Nutra system diets, it's just portioned out meals that are cooked in a less fatty way. Now, if you want the comradery or the weigh in's to help you, you will have to seek out the highly advertised groups. I want to ask a question.......why is it that of all the women I know that are around my age and I KNOW must be going thru the change, just like me, never talk about it. I have not had one discussion with friends or family members about the changes going on in our bodies and how it is affecting our lives. Is menapause still a taboo subject....things women don't talk about? I hear all the talk on TV and have heard and read all the jokes about it, but where are my menapausel sisters....why aren't we sharing our stories with each other.....maybe, we could enlighten each other with little tid bits of how we cope with our changing bodies and minds. Is it that you just don't want to think about it....WHAT IS IT?????? I want some feed back. Surely, I'm not the only 50 something woman experiencing these symptoms, who is willing to talk about it. I can remember as a young girl hearing stories of women who went thru the change and.....lost their minds......hey, I can relate to that. Other than horrifying tales like that, I never heard any of the women in my family speak of menapause or the symptoms it brings on. I had two grandmothers, but didn't know their menapause stories. They are both gone now. My Mother had cervical cancer as a young women in her 30's and survived it thru radiation, but the treatment caused her to go thru the change at that age. She was never on hormones or anything.......again, as close as she and I became, we never talked about what that had done to her physically or mentally. This is a common bond that we as women share, each of us having our own take on it. I have told my story, quite openly. I feel, menapause is just another stage of life that has it's rewards as well as it's pitfalls. I want to embrace each and every stage of this life, take from it the lessons we need to learn and use those lessons to enrich the remainder of our time on this earth. We are in it together, most of us experiencing much of the same things. It's comforting to know we are not alone in our journeys. Talk to me people!!! Till next time.

Monday, Monday

Here it is Monday morning. I have tons of things to do today. We got quite a lot of rain over the weekend and you know what that means.....MUD......EVERYWHERE! Baxter going in and out brought in most,but Wayne did his share also. I have floors to sweep and mop, clothes to wash, bathroom duty and just a whole gambit of things.
My dizzy headedness is still with me, but not as bad. I'm not experiencing the vertigo, like I was, just a little light headedness. I still can't figure why this came over me. I have had many sinus problems, but none ever took on this side affect.
I want to say, Wayne was so sweet to me.......I think, he thought, I may just croak on him. He worried over me most of the weekend. This was quite an awakening for him. He seems to think he wouldn't be able to go on without me......but he could. I told him, I would want him to. He would need to be there for our kids and grandkids. They would all help each other through. I know it's kinda morbid to talk of death, but it is a reality......we are gonna die. We don't know when or how, but it is coming for us all. I have never minced words about wanting to live to be an old woman, but it may not be in the cards for me....who knows. I worry so about Wayne and his health and he may live longer than me, despite his smoking.
I better get up and get going. My list grows ever longer and I need to start getting things checked off. Hope everyone has a great Monday. till next time.

My Head Is Spinning

I have had quite a weekend.....which actually started sometime Thursday night. I had done some yoga Thursday morning, everything seemed fine. I had been feeling a little drug out, not near as much energy as usual,but not sick, anyway, I suffered with back pain through my sleep Thursday night. I got up Friday morning with pain middleways down the right side of my back. I figured it was caused from a pose I had done with the yoga thing. I decided I would do a little palates and work it right out.....well, I got down in the floor and just as I got started the room started spinning and I was so drunk I couldn't even get out of the floor. I finally did make it on to the couch. The vertigo stopped, but I still felt dizzy or kinda light headed. I decided I better just sit on the couch and put the heating pad on my back. The vertigo thing was still happening , but not all the time. This was scaring me to death. I have never been dizzy like that before. Wayne, just so happened to call and of course in hearing his voice I felt like I could let go, so I started crying.....just in relief.....you know, how we women do. He instructed me to just take it easy and rest on the couch for the day. I took heed and stayed on the couch all day. I did get to feeling better and by late that afternoon got up and made Wayne his Valentine....Late Valentine, dinner of Pork Chops, Rice and Gravy. Things seemed pretty good until we went to bed and I tried to lay down.....OH MY GOSH....the room began spinning. These spells were so intense, I would feel sick to my stomach. Now, I had not been sick, as you know, I had nursed Wayne thru what we thought was the flu, but I had kept it at bay as far as I was concerned and aside from feeling tired, I thought I was fine. We debated wether or not to go to the Emergency room. Though this was scaring me to death, I decided to wait till morning and see how I felt then. Well, the night was long, with many awakenings and several dizzy headed trips to the bathroom. I got up first, I knew I still felt light headed, but wasn't having the vertigo sensation. I sat down on the couch and decided to try and lay down and THERE IT WAS AGAIN!!!! As soon as the room stopped spinning I got up and went and told Wayne he was gonna have to get up. I was in panic mode....WHAT THE CRAP WAS THIS?????? I thought of a blood clot, or blocked vein, CANCER...something causing this weird spinning. We dressed and made our way to the Emergency Room. The closer we got the more I didn't want to go.....I kept running it over and over, do I really want to go? Do I really need to go? NO, I thought, I don't want to go....do I need to???? Now, that I didn't know. In we go. We went through the usual things, all the questions and explanations of what brought us there that morning. They did a complete once over on me. Blood tests, Cat scan of my head, Xray of my back, EKG, urinanalysis....the whole nine yards. We were in there for HOURS and HOURS!!!!! The dizziness was still there, but all tests come back absolutely negitive. No signs of any malfunctions or anything that could contribute to my condition. I got a clean bill of health, with some dizziness on the side. Their diagnosis was that I had an inner ear infection of some sort that was causing the spinning. They gave me a Anti Vertigo pill, had me sit there for a few minutes and then sent me home. I do seem to be better, but I still feel somewhat lightheaded, just sitting here typing is causing me to feel drunk. I took an Allergy pill last night and slept like a baby. The spinning wasn't nearly as intense when I sat up for the first time this morning, but it is still there. The Dr. said the ear thing will correct on it's own. I am just gonna have to wait it out. This is one Valentines I will never forget. I was suppose to get to go out for dinner Saturday night, but had to settle for......Jack In The Box. Not that I wanted anything to be wrong with me, but I hate that ALLLLL that money spent was for nothing. I guess I can think of it as my yearly check up. I was given a clean bill of health and peace of mind does go a long way. Well, that's my wonderful weekend story. Till next time.

Valentine's Day

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!! I had the most beautiful arrangement of red flowers in a gorgous red vase delivered to me yesterday. I have never been so surprised. I have had one great Valentines this year. It started out with a gift of old coins....which I love. There was a braclet made up of an Indian Head nickle and very old Indian Head penny's on either side of it.....I love it! That was last week....then, I think it was Monday, Katherine brought me a HUGE heart filled with MY FAVORITE chocolate covered cherries and a very pretty card. Then, yesterday....the flowers. Man, I am truely blessed. I know the old coins idea came from Traci and I know she did the foot work at obtaining them, but I guess I can give Wayne credit now, for I think he did the flowers all on his own. They were such a surprise....it made me cry. I was feeling pretty lonely and taken for granted. Those arrived just in time to renew me and make me feel loved.....by Wayne, that is. He can be a real downer to live with sometimes. He gets it in his head....OH WOE IS ME.....and he can't seem to get out of it. When in this state, he does a lot of sleeping and sitting. He comes in from work, eats his dinner and as soon as the last bite is swallowed, he's asleep. I sit there the rest of the evening by myself, listening to him snore. Nothing, I say or do can make this mood of his go away. I always think, if he would just get up and get to moving he would feel better. I think lack of sunshine plays a big part in his moods. It is so amazing, that a person can be one way when they are young and then be totally different as they age. I would have never dreamed he was such a couch potato when we were dating. We were always out and about, doing things, LIVING!!! I also believe, the less you do, the less you want to do. Your energy level just keeps getting lower and lower. I wish it were in my power to make him feel better, but unfortunately it is up to him. He's not good at doctoring himself....he doesn't even try. Sometimes, I think he likes being so down and out. Anyway, I hate it for him. I want us to live each day with vigor and happiness. I want our old heads to be filled with fun memories of all our adventures. You have to work at everything in this life....your mental health is vitally important to your physical well being. I hope he can get into a better place in his mind.....it will certainly help me. Till next time.

I'm No Couch Potato

Gosh, I can't beleive it is already Tuesday....seems, I was just writing a blog here and I look and see that was last Thursday. I'll start with Friday. All us girls were already together so we called the guys at work and asked if they would like to go out to eat that evening. I am always glad that the kids bring it up cause Wayne is more likely to go if they ask. Out to eat is like some kind of a torture treatment to Wayne....why....I don't know. It's not like he has to cook it or something. He is the BIGGEST couch potato I have ever seen and it seems, my energy and want to go have fun makes his butt stick to that couch even more. To me sitting and doing nothing is a sin....to sit in a house when the sun is shining and the weather is warm and gorgous is just a SIN!!! Anywho, the guys made it home and we loaded up and went to On The Border for some of their all you can eat enchiladas. We got there and GOOD GRIEF!!! the whole town of Denton was there. I went in and put our name in the pot and was told it was gonna be a 45 minute wait. We did wait for about 15 to 20 minutes then decided to go to a place in Sanger where we figured there would be less people and Dan and Katherine said it was sooooo good. I take the little light up thing back in to the girl and tell her to remove our name from the list. Off we go to Sanger. This is a small town just north of Denton. We got to the Mexican restaurant there and tho not as bad as On The Border there were still quite a few people there. We waited and waited and waited, what seemed to be 30 minutes at least. We finally got in and seated, but then another 20 minutes went by before we ordered.....well, I guess you have figured that we didn't get home till around 9:00. We started all that around 6:00. Saturday was a long dull day. I got up and went to Wally's while Wayne sat on the couch. We sat for the rest of the day. I did get him up to go pick up Hunt at Dan's and K's around 6:30 and we picked up some KFC while we were out, then back home to sit some more. Sunday morning we were catching up on reading our emails. One from Wayne's Mom concerned us. She was telling of a fall she had taken and now had a sore and swollen foot. We called her and Wayne being his usual tact self gave her a good chewing out for not calling us sooner. He asked if there was anything we could do to help and of course she said no....I said let me talk to her. Hey, I'm a housewife, I know that when I'm down ain't nothin getting done....at least not right anyway. I asked what I could do to help and asked about their meal situation....good gosh...I can't imagine relying on Glenn T. to feed me. I know Wayne learned everything he know's or doesn't know from watching his Dad . They could get in the kitchen and try to fix a meal and probably think they are doing a bang up job when in reality they have absolutely wore you out from all the questions.....where's the this, how do you do that, how long do I cook this for, do we have any?????? and so on. Just shoot me now cause the mess that's gonna come from that one little meal isn't gonna be worth it....I'll do without. After talking to her on the phone I got myself dressed and went to the closest store and got ingredients for a couple of casserole type dishes. I got back and went to cooking. We were on our way to their house by about 12:00. We had lunch together and I had time to throw a load of clothes on to wash, but it got to be almost 4:00 and we still had to clean the shop, so off we went. Man, if it weren't for the trip to Plano and the cleaning of the shop we would have vegetated on that freakin couch. Oh well, I got a fix yesterday with some running around with Traci. Target and Walmart and even lunch out......THANKS TRACE!!!!! I needed that. I am just like a dog.....if a car starts, I want to go and hanging my head out the window is a bonus.....I love to goooooo, and so I must for now. Till next time.

Torture On The Massage Table

I started on my way to my massage yesterday with what I thought was plenty of time, but in getting behind a slow moving TRACTOR of all things, I started stressing out. I frantically made my way around him and took off. I was going to make one, mind you one little stop, by the mailbox to deposit a letter on my way.....dang if it didn't almost make me late. I did manage to pull in with a couple of moments to spare. I got in there, met my masseuse, filled out a short questionare, and then dissrobed and climbed onto the table. I was quite comfortable....the room was dimmly lit, soft tranquil music playing and I was totally covered with a sheet. She started at my head.....yep, the old noggin. I really did enjoy the kneading of my skull and neck. She talked non stop, which really interrupted my wanting to just zone in on the massage.....I wanted to lax out, have no thoughts and just take in the relaxing atmosphere. She took my arms, one at a time and starting at my fingers working her way up. She used soothing oil that smelled sooo good. Just when I thought this was going to be a GREAT, STRESS RELIEVING encounter......she started digging into my shoulders. Her fingers seemed to be trying to break the skin and get right into the muscle. In my mind I was screaming.....HELLLLLLLLL FIRE!!!!!!!! LADY....THAT HURTS!!!!! I thought, ok, she will move on and that excruciating pain of her digging digits will stop, but it seemed she found a spot she truely disliked and wanted to cast it from my body. Just when I thought I was gonna have to make a break for it and go running out the door, she moved on. I loved the rubbing of my feet, legs and my back....oh goodness MY BACK....that was soooo good. She did this thing where she would stop and lay her hands on me.......I would almost feel like I was being levitated off that table and that she was making something release and flow from my body. So, aside from the pain inflicted on my shoulders, I really did enjoy the rest. I would like to go again, but will be telling her ENOUGH ALREADY on the shoulders. They are so tender to the touch this morning and I don't know, maybe that's what a real massage is suppose to be like, but all I can say.....how do they think you can relax a get destressed when you are being TORTURED!!! There's my review....cornball as it is. Till next time.

LUUUCCCYYY!!!!!

Those of you that read Traci's blog know that I didn't get my massage yesterday.......DANG IT!!! I had myself all siked up for it and everything. I will say, that the closer I got to the place yesterday the more this feeling of....AIN"T GONNA HAPPEN.... kept crossing my mind. When I pulled into the parking lot and there was not another car in sight....first clue, then, my appoinment was at 10:00 and IT WAS 10:00.....second clue. Sometime after 10:00 I called Trace to let her know....HEY!!! there's no people here....what the ?!@$#@. She calls the lady and low and behold the date is for the next day, which is today....this morning....2 hours from now....GEEZZZZ SIS, could this be from all the extra hard thinking you were doing to make that girl spin the other direction???? Maybe, you better just stick with the right side of your brain....your left side seems to get you in trouble....or is it, that your trouble comes from being a right brain thinker? I don't know...... LUUUCCCYYYY!!!!, but Ethel always seems to get pulled into your antics.

Well folks, as I said, I only have a couple of hours. I am determined to do some Yoga this morning so I better get to crackin. AAAHHHHH!!!! the tranquillty of a soothing massage, has become one stressed out mess for me....SERENITY NOW!!!!! Till next time.

Massage Day

Some rain did come thru last night, but the ground is barely wet. There were some big claps of thunder as it went on it's way. Kinda dreary looking this morning, but I see the sun peeping out, so maybe it will be another warm sunny day for us.

This morning I, for the first time in my life, am going to go have a massage. This was a Christmas present from Trace and I am just now going. I am looking so forward to this, but yet am a little anxious about the whole thing. I just hope I am at ease enough to really enjoy it. It's hard to imagine a stranger putting their hands all over you and NOT freaking out about it. Oh well, the jury is out on it for now.....I'll let you know what I think after this is over.

Wayne is well on his way to a non sick state and I am still doing ok too.....man, if we can make it thru this winter with just small bouts like this, that will be GREAT!!! I better knock on wood.....just as I write the words I feel something will happen to show me once more....we have no control over things like this and we will come down with a bad case of the flu, like we did last year.

I am gonna get myself up and start getting ready. Well wishes, to everyone. Till next time.

Chit Chat

It's Sunday morning and I seem to have a reprieve from my nursing duties. Wayne, in hearing of some MAN fun, decided he felt well enough to go off with the guys.......some big tank is to be moved and I don't know a man around that wouldn't buy a ticket just to watch, much less get to participate in.
It is Monday morning now, I kinda got side tracked. Trace called me over for a cup of coffee and some conversation. Talk about GORGEOUS weather.....we are having a little heat wave here in Texas. We hit the eighties and today is suppose to be just as warm, but we may have some rain heading our way. Katherine, with Mason in tow, came over for some lunch and then we sat outside and watched the boys run and jump on their trampoline. Mason absolutely loves to play with his cousins especially Kan. They had the best time. Us girls sat close by and refereed while chatting and just enjoying the wonderful warmth of the day. Not long after our sit down the guys returned......Wayne, not being any worse for the wear. I think getting out and stirring around may have helped him. His cough is just about gone and he is sleeping so much better. He made his Monday morning work call. Now, as for me, I am still hanging on to wellness.....but by a thread, I think. I can feel some congestion building up in the back of my throat.... I am taking everything I can think of to keep it at bay. I still feel alright, just a little tired, maybe. I need to get up and get somethings done in the house this morning. I am gonna strip the bed of the germ infested bedding and get us all clean stuff. Hope all is well out there in blog land. Till next time.

Nursing The Sick

He is home with me today.....I saw it coming yesterday afternoon. He could barely talk and has a horrible cough. His night was very fitful with sweats followed by cold chills. I feel so sorry for him. I know he has full blown FLU!!! Man, I don't want to catch it from him. We haven't kissed in a week....not goodbye or hello as usual, in hopes of keeping his germs to himself. He is in bed, hopefully getting some rest from the restless night. I wonder why it is when you are sick all the symptoms seem to worsen in the night time especially when trying to sleep. I figure you have guessed by now that I speak of my beloved husband. I will have to get things rolling this morning and go make him some nouishment for the old belly. He is gonna need to start in with some meds and you can't or shouldn't do that on an empty stomach. Ahhhh, men and sick, not a good combo. I will wait on him and nurse him because that is the treatment I would like to have if and when I get sick, but I dream on.....men or at least my man has no clue how to care for another human being......what am I talking about???? He can't or doesn't even take care of himself. Oh well, I am gonna be the good nurse maid and hopefully my Karma will bring it back to me in my time of need. Guess, I better cut this short and punch the old time clock....the sooner I get started doctoring my sweet, the sooner life can return to normal...our normal anyway. Till next time.