Family

You are my siblings,

Part of my blood;

I love you dearly,

As I should;

We were so close, us and Mom,

How could we see, what was to come;

So much time, to laugh and play,

No thoughts that it would end some day;

We lived as though it would always be,

Mom and Sherry, Tony and Me;

Young still, Sherry married,

She moved away,

Life changed for us all,

On her wedding day;

My sister was gone, what would I do,

My heart was so heavy, my thoughts were so blue;

Got caught up in life,

Years bolted ahead;

Fell in love with a boy,

in my school, and we wed;

All the time working,

Mom was always right there,

To tell us she loved us and show us she cared;

The last one to leave her,

Take flight from her nest;

Her beloved son, Tony,

Which posed, quite a test;

How would she manage,

What would she do;

All three children raised,

Work was all that she knew;

She still played a big part,

More than she'd ever know;

Love of our family,

Through her, it would grow;

We still remained close,

Seems like she was the glue;

That kept us together,

and got us all through;

Since she's been gone,

So much time has gone by;

We seldom see each other,

She would ask, WHY?

What would we say,

How would we feel;

Tears in her eyes,

The pain, oh so real;

To remember the time,

When we were so close;

Sherry, Tony and me,

Cherished memories of Mom, most.

I LOVE MY HUSBAND

I want to begin by saying....I LOVE MY HUSBAND. There are times when I feel THAT love well up in me so much it takes my breath away. I feel I could follow him anywhere in the world and be happy just to be with him. Then there are those times that I think....WHO IS THIS GUY??? Why in the world am I with him? It really is amazing how one person can have so much power in your life and alot of times feel no responsibility for that power. When we were younger it all seemed so simple, things I didn't even think about. I didn't have time to ponder the depths of our relationship. Now, it seems to slap me in the face and there is just no ignoring it. This is what is left of our union. Now that our kids are grown and have kids of their own, it is me and him left alone together to try and make a go of it on OUR own. The thought can scare me to death sometimes. When I had our children at home with me, the times when our love seemed to fade I had them to pour myself into. I transfer all that love and time into my myself at such occasions now. Sometimes, I feel the distance between us is just too vast. No common ground to stand upon. Maybe the fault lies within me. I want what most women want.....someone to love me and to be a companion to me. I don't think I ask so much. I try and be there for him at all times and all costs. I want the same from him. I find myself being jealous of women that have men in their lives that actually like to do things with them. Whether it be just going shopping or out to eat. I often wonder....when is it that he grew into this old man that listens to talk radio and wants to watch the weather all the time. How does old age creep up on some people and they don't seem to even care. I want to live and keep old age at bay for as long as I can. I can't imagine sitting down and letting it overcome me and be happy that way. Age is just a state of mind. I think it may give some people the out of living they always wanted, but now have age to blame it on. To me it is the ultimate sin not to take this life given you and use it to it's fullest. Live and love with all the passion that was there in youth. It means just as much, if not more now, than it did then. I do LOVE and I do LIVE to the greatest of my capabilities. I want the same commitment and passion I give. I LOVE MY HUSBAND.....simple words to say, ones actions is a far greater testimony of what is in your heart. Till next time.

My Search

Since I was young and had memories of,
I always wanted somebody to love;

My heart even then, ached and longed,
For someone to love, and to me only, belong;

I wasn't happy with being with me,
Thought, happiness came from the outside, you see;

The love of myself, came so many years after,
Through heartache, pain and crying with laughter;

I found myself worthy and quite fun to be,
Just with myself, just to be me;

Sometimes I forget and I lose my way,
Let people I love, make my happiness stray;

I have to search hard, look deep from within,
Search out the love from the place it has been;

I will be happy, I'll make it so,
For the love of myself is most important, I know;

Sleeping Can Cause Problems

I am up this morning with thoughts a raging. Didn't have a real good night last night. Seems Wayne has some issues going right now, as soon as he woofs down his dinner it becomes nap time. Now, don't get me wrong, I have no problem with him taking a little siesta, but his nap lasts all the way till bedtime. If this was just an occasional happening I would have no gripe, but he is in a pattern now. Needless to say, we weren't the honeymooners last night. I think we may both be going thru some withdrawals from the sudden lack of the free time, vacation gave us. It really is hard to get motivated into going back to working, working, working. We have gone to having all four grandsons, to three, then two, now there is just our Hunter here with us. I was keeping Traci's three so she could have a night out on her Birthday. Mason was with me because Dan and Kat went to one of her family members funeral. I know you have heard of the three ring circus, well I had the FOUR RING CIRCUS. Luckily for me all four were only here for a little while. Two, two year olds is quite the experience......especially when they got tired. Whatever one had the other wanted. There were a couple of tantrums and the constant, I want JUICE.....granny, I'm HUNGRY!!! GRANNY!!! Mason did this or Kannon did that.....GRANNY!!! GRANNY!!! GRANNY!!! While all this is going on Wayne is in his chair ASLEEP!!! which is really mind blowing because before he fell asleep he had told me that he was hoping for some peace and quiet....IS HE KIDDING ME???? he was in la la land, what did he care? He finally woke up about 9:00 saying he thought he was going to have to go to bed. The really ironic part of this is that I am usually the one that wants to go get in bed. He is usually like the little kid that doesn't want to go to bed....he'll say, you want to go to bed THIS EARLY????? I can't figure him out and I guess he feels the same about me. We have always been total opposites and it seems the differences gap isn't getting any smaller. You would think that after soooo many years of marriage we wouldn't still have these conflicts. They may not surface as often as they use to, but they are still alive and well. Till next time.

Another Vacation Comes And Goes

Our vacation in Florida was filled with new and exciting things to see and do.......I loved it! The plane rides I could have done without......scared the CRAP out of me. The first big airline wasn't real bad, but the small plane that only held 19 people was a whole other story. The fact that it was raining and all cloudy didn't help the situation at all. I had the biggest anxiety attack of my life....I mean.....I FREAKED OUT!!!! I was glued to my chair, gripping the arm rests with everything in me and PRAYING. I could feel tremors of fright inside my body. Tears streamed quietly down my cheeks. I would like to have been bawling out loud, but I didn't want to frighten the kids.....who were blissfully enjoying my ride of TERROR. All I could think of was......WIND SHEAR, ya know, that's what made that one plane crash that time while trying to land. That was the plane that flew us into Key West. Had I not had a whole week of fun to get my mind off of the flight back to Ft. Lauderdale, I think I would still be on that Island. Luckily the weather was sunny on the flight back, but actually there was more turbulence on that trip than the one in the rain.....go figure. Some how or the other I wasn't as scared tho, seems the sunshine made all the difference. I absolutely HATE flying, but if I have to board a plan to get to these exotic wonderful places, that's exactly what I'm going to do. It is always worth it. Now, the trip I waited so impatiently to get here has come and gone and is now just memories in my mind. It's back to reality and the drudgery of everyday life. Till next time.

CHOICES AND THEIR IMPACT

MY thoughts are deep and somewhat dark,

Loved ones with pain, they may embark;

I feel so helpless, what can I do,

I want to guide and help them through;

Oh LORD, I want to call upon thee,

Open their eyes and let them see;

For life's too short to live a lie,

Wake up, before your life's gone by;

The innocent, you must protect,

Tho, heart and brain, they may conflict;

The future's close, draws ever near,

Stand up, be there, for the one so dear;

The choices are there, that you must make,

Be strong, there's just too much at stake;

When we grow old, start looking back,

Our decisions, now known and their impact;

Will be too late, to change what's done,

A way to right a wrong, there's none;

We have the power to change our fate,

Make choices now, they can not wait;

Too much depends upon just you,

It's in your hands, what will you do?

Boring Stuff

I don't know what my blog is going to be about today......it all seems pretty boring. I did want to give an update on my little dog Baxter......remember the scratching, scratching, scratching.....well, he STILL has it. I don't know if he was allergic to what the groomer bathed him in or what, but he is driving himself and me CRAZY!!!! He is just the right height to walk under our coffee table and every side being lower, scratches his back for him. It is a constant maneuver, done over and over again. He is even moving the table around when he really gets going. Now, I have bathed him twice.....but it hasn't seemed to improve his plight. I am beginning to think he has just gone off his rocker or has come down with some kind of a tick (not the insect kind), ya know, like......a movement he can't control. I don't know, but I know I will never go back to that particular groomer again.

Today, Wayne and I are traveling back to our old stomping grounds to see the Doctor we had for many, many years. This almost 2 hour trip is necessary because I just can't seem to find us a descent Doctor in the area we live now. The one he saw when he got his diagnosis of High Blood Pressure and Cholesterol, we have deemed a KOOOK!!! She was so interested in getting him on meds for those, that she completely ignored the spot found on his lung from an x-ray she herself had ordered. She never once discussed the findings of that x-ray even after us telling her of our concerns. I mean , you have a man here that has a spot on his lung that has smoked most of his life, do the math....THIS AIN'T ROCKET SCIENCE!!!!! She is a Family Practitioner, but her husband is a Cardiologist.....isn't that convenient. Truly, I think she was trying to find patients for her husband. The first time she saw Wayne was when he went in and was diagnosed with Bronchitis.....hence, the x-ray, but that very first meeting, she was all about getting him to go do blood work. I think she saw two people in their 50's as potential patients for her husband cause she told us right up front that she was just a part time Doctor. I told her, That's fine....cause we are just part time patients, meaning WE DON"T NEED A DOCTOR EVERY FREAKING DAY!!! She tried to start the cycle of a visit every week. Here take this pill, keep a log of your blood pressure readings and come back to see me next week. Do you know what she charges for an office visit???? $180.00 to come in a room, sit there for maybe, 3 minutes, just long enough to write her little prescription of her miracle pill and tell you she wants to see you again next week....IS SHE KIDDING ME?????? That was the last $180.00 she will be collecting from us or our Insurance company. Wayne, on the other hand would like to just bury his head in the sand and not have another x-ray. He is of that mind set....he just don't want to know. How stupid is that? I keep telling him that early detection is our best defense in the battle of our health. I'm not perfect and let too much time go by before I go get my annual check ups, but it isn't because.....I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.....I'm just busy with life. I am really thinking that the spot on his lung is nothing and probably gone now. The technician that called us about it said it could be scar tissue or a spot of pneumonia. A follow up x-ray is definately needed. He is gonna get his cholesterol levels checked again as well. He took his blood pressure last night and it was elevated 147 over 102. I think just the thoughts of going to the Doctor freak him out. I will let ya know how things turn out. I better get up and get cracking. Till next time.

Oh! The Rain

Yesterdays dread of mowing the lawn became an impossibility when torrential rains started falling. I only liked an area maybe 10x12 in size. I could have finished had I started just 15 minutes earlier, but the sun was out....partially and I was trying to let it dry out as much as possible. The ground was still so soggy when I did get started, but I just trudged through it.....my feet getting soaking wet. The sky became dark and I could feel rain drops hitting me.....all I could think of was the guy that was out mowing his yard and got struck by lightening......ZOWYYYYY!!!!! I kept debating with myself, I'll go one more round....NO! NO! you goof, your gonna get struck, get in the house.I did manage to get the patio blown off again, but that was about the extent of my outside chores. Needless to say, Wayne DID NOT weed eat. I figure he was doing a rain dance at work yesterday. Not only did he get a reprieve from the weed eating job, but we couldn't go for our walk yesterday afternoon either. Luckily, we both had a pretty good work out, me doing my house cleaning and him unloading a trailer at work yesterday. I don't know what we're gonna do if this rain doesn't stop.....I AM SICK OF IT!!!!! I can only take just so many dark gloomy days. I love the sunshine and blue skies. We still have water standing in our back yard and the ground is so wet no more moisture can absorb into it. We have someones garbage can that floated down the road from up the street....I have no clue who it belongs to, but no one has come to get it.....it still stands at the end of our driveway. I am going out and enjoying every minute of this sunshiney today. They are saying, NO RAIN for the next couple of days.....that's not long enough for me, but I will take it and pray that no more rain fall for awhile. Maybe, if I do my chant.....RAIN RAIN GO AWAY....COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY......CAUSE MISS SONIA WANTS TO PLAY.......HEEE, HEEE. Think that will help? Till next time.

Mowing.... Again!

Here it is Monday again....another weekend bites the dust. We did have an enjoyable weekend....being with family is always just THE BEST. Now, the dreaded MOW DAY!!! I could just PUKE!!! I am dreading mowing so bad....I would rather eat dirt. I got the front mowed Friday evening, but the back hasn't been mowed in several weeks....YIKES!!!! Not only is the grass tall it is still very wet. I have tried to give it time to dry out , but it just keeps on raining before I have a chance to get it mowed. I really am thinking of hiring it done.....Wayne says he would help me ,but he isn't going to push a lawnmower, that if he is expected to help we were gonna have to go and at least get a self propelled.....the big baby. It just amazes me that the so called STRONGER sex is always the big wiener. I have told Wayne sooooo many times how much I wished I had his strength....MAN! the things I could get done. I guarantee you that the house painting, fence fixing, tree removal, and many other things would be finished by now if I had the strength to do them. The next thing is my lack of knowledge in the other things I need done.....like, my Jeeps tune up, which has needed it now for more than a year and a faucet that has a leak, coach lights put on our house, that now I am being told is more involved than originally thought and just not do-able. The front STILL needs weed eating. I have been told that today is the day, I hope he follows thru on that. I want to say that I have no problem with hiring these things done, but Wayne won't here of it.....he doesn't want to do them, but doesn't want to pay someone to do them either. I try so hard to do ALL the household and yard chores and not have to ask him to do anything.....cause I know he does work hard and doesn't want to have to come home and work. I do sometimes wish he was one of those men that actually LIKE to work in their yards. Anyway, I know I sound like a habitual complainer.....I really do love my life and the man that is in it. I sure wouldn't have stuck around for 34 years if that wasn't the case. I think he must feel the same way.....I guess we compliment each other. I WILL get the back mowed and the front weedeated, with or without Wayne's help.....that's just the way I am and he knows this....maybe that's why he puts things off sooooo long cause he knows eventually I will GET R DONE. Till next time.

AHHHH! The Weekend

Today starts the beginning of the weekend.....what will we be doing???? I think there is a trip to go wish Wayne's Dad a Happy Birthday.....which was yesterday. We have had grandsons with us most of the week. Hunt has been with us the most with Jay dropping in a couple of times to spend the night also. They are both still asleep this morning. Traci's house will be showing two times this morning and I thought it would be a help if the boys weren't at home, seeing how the showings start at 10:00 this morning. The sun is out...at least for awhile. I know we need the rain but I am SICK of it now....I wish it would get outta here for a while. I got our front yard mowed, but the back is starting to look like a jungle. It has never dried up enough so I can get it mowed. There are low areas that just keep having puddles in them. I am hoping I might get some help with it this weekend....but I know not to hold my breath. The front needs weedeating soooo bad, cause that is one thing I don't try to do. I just don't have the upper body strength to hold that thing up and then also fight to keep that darn cord out where it can cut. I don't think it has been weedeated one time this year yet. He did do the back once, several weeks ago, which if I had had a vote in it, the front would have been done instead. Oh well, I am glad the weekend is here and am enjoying spending time with my kids. Trace and RB stayed over here with us till midnight last night watching silly things on TV together. We were curled up and crying with laughter......some of those late night shows are HILARIOUS!!! I don't have anything else right now, but I am sure by Monday I will have several things to blog about. Till next tme.